Nothing personal, IAM_XX_IAM
There is freedom in not being defined by the choices, at least all of them. Not mine is about focus on what is essentially me and the subtle art of going for it. IAM_XX_IAM has always been going for it, for the plot. And this is what her spiritual, creative and fashion journey has always been about - throwing yourself at it, being in a superposition and having it all.
Cloudset asked IAM_XX_IAM about her method of 'creative destruction', how to balance it out and stay comfortable, about fashion, music and life.
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Q: Tell us your first emotive reaction to the “nothing personal” or “not mine”?
These concepts really resonate with me. I've been researching the topic of happiness for over 10 years now and have long ago come to realize that selfishness and desire for possession are the root cause of unhappiness. It makes no difference that actually matters. As soon as we cling to something and say "mine" we find the limits to ourselves and to our freedom. So both phrases are absolutely in line with my worldview. I don't want to go through life clinging to something and limiting my freedom. This applies to both things and relationships. When we don't try to hold on to something or someone, we become more flexible, more open. More importantly, greed and insatiability stop restraining us. And we become a step closer to complete freedom, and this personal freedom, not social or political, is what I'm sure will increasingly become a more understood and embraced trend around the world.
Q: What is your strongest memory of Tibet?
I would describe it not so much as a memory, but as a feeling, a sensation, an experience. When we arrived at the monastery, it was still early morning. I looked up into the sky, an eagle was flying there, a rainbow appeared over the temple, and I breathed in the Himalayan mountain air. And I had the distinct feeling that I was home. That now I could relax - because I was in my place. I didn't know what awaited me yet. I did not know who would teach us, what kind of instructions we would receive. But this feeling of spiritual security became the guiding one for me and gave me a feeling of complete trust in what was happening.
Q: We try to communicate that «not mine» is about restoring the order of control. You dictate the terms of engagement and not the other way around. You enjoy, but stay detached. Have you ever felt overwhelmed by the things you had previously considered enjoyable and fulfilling?
Of course I have. And in different areas of life and in relation to completely different things, activities and people - even close ones. As soon as I became strongly attached to someone or something, and tied my emotions to it, and my constraints became too visible. You abuse yourself with your attachment. For me, restoring the hierarchy of control lies in the inner power of overcoming oneself and the rigid dependendencies. Frankly, it's a journey of self-observation. Observing whether at every step you are choosing yourself and your freedom or your dependency on emotions, people, things.
Q: Are you a fan of challenging yourself in fashion or going for what makes you feel comfortable? Perhaps you find comfort in a challenge?
Oh, yes. I love a challenge. I generally love anything that goes beyond set concepts, beyond the matrix perception. Because only by breaking out of the template, you develop yourself and those around you, you start to think in a new, non-standard way. And this is always very exciting.
Q: Did you inherit your fashion sense from inside the family or outside influences?
I got my sense of style from my mom. She always dresses elegantly but is sure to add some offbeat detail. She loves and knows how to draw attention to herself in a good way.
Q: We are cut different than our parents. Last time we spoke, we discussed that this generation is re-discovering the values of collective ownership that our parents wanted to forget. Ownership was about comfort, security and independence. At the same time, things we owned carried greater value and deeper history than they do today. Are there any special items that carry invaluable emotional meaning to you?
I'm not a person attached to things, so I don't have any relics. Probably the only thing I am attached to and keep is an altar with crafts made by my children. Generally, i keep the handcrafts. And some family heirlooms are kept by my mom and will probably be passed on to me eventually.
Q: Name 3 things that remind you of your family and your childhood?
The real value to me is held in memories around things rather than the objects per se. For example, a plush dog with sad eyes, which I loved so much as a child. A cartoon about a mammoth looking for his mother on an ice floe. My first dress, white and mint-colored, with flounces. I must have been about 5 years old. And now I remember not so much the dress itself, but the joy of my mom and the people around me, and how pretty I felt. My main relics are the little emotional moments that make up my life.
Q: How did you discover music for yourself - as a creator?
Since childhood I liked to fall asleep to different tunes. I can proudly declare myself a meloman: I have always loved very diverse artists - the 70s glam, 80s rock, early 00s. And gradual self-development brought me to independent singing. For me, singing became a practice of working with the respiratory system, an opportunity to express myself, to speak out. At the same time, I went to music school from the age of 7 and could have started singing much earlier, but in the end I never finished - the teachers there had, so to speak, not very humane tuition methods. And I'm glad that music came back into my life after all.
Q: What came first, the writing, the voice, the melodic inspirations, or it coincided all at once?
It all started with poetry. And I started writing poems 8 or even 10 years before I came to music.
Q: Name your biggest musical influences?
Jazz, 2000s pop, trance, and, of course, rock! My dad listened to rock, and to me it was always the liveliest, truest music. I was also an incredible Beatles fan. Their music was so life-affirming and full of love! I loved my state of mind so much when I listened to them.
Q: Would you say your taste is more eclectic, one melting pot of everything and a creative mess? Or it is more structural and balanced?
Eclectic. I generally like to mix different things and find harmony in dissonance
Q: Does fashion help you get melodically inspired?
Yes yes yes yes yes! Fashion is a metaphor. It's a language that can be spoken just like any other but more universal. There is so much to say and convey through fashion imagery! I find fashion incredibly inspiring. It's comparable to the feelings I get in an art gallery - lots of air, feeling, inspiration.
Q: Heels or Chunky boots?
Clearly, I wear boots far more often than heels in my normal life. But heels are a true art form. Certainly a masterpiece and the notorious ‘wheel’ created by the fashion world.
Q: Downtown and 5th Avenue or Carmel and Highway 66?
Manhattan and 5th Avenue.
Q: Favourite drink?
I really love coffee in all its forms.
Q: Something crazy that you hype yourself up on doing?
I would like to do a huge festival for all the people I've ever known. A creative feast where visitors would be united by a lust for life, a sense of beauty and affinity.
Q: What are your music plans? Anything you can share in public?
Since I've learned how to work in a studio, get on stage, do marketing and release music in just 2 years, I'm now rethinking all that fast-paced experience to build something new from it. Whereas at first I was going by what the audience wanted, now I'm going to do what I personally like. I don't have expectations to please everybody - I'm just happy that I can write music. If at least one person stops and listens to it, that's great. My goal now is to be as sincere as possible. I can't describe my new music in words yet - watch and wait for the releases. I can say one sentence: each release will be a performance soaking in the best modern trends.
Q: What are you top 3 bucket list items at the moment?
The first is always my children. I want them to succeed in everything and achieve their goals in the best way, the way they envision it.
I also want to have just enough energy for everything I have in mind. I work very hard and hang out very little. I'm busy with my books, with my teaching course, and writing my PhD. My second wish is to have more time for everything I’m passionate about.
And third: I want to become an old lady who is proud of everything that happened in her life. So that memories of past events will warm me up and bring love.
Q: A song or an album that impressed you recently?
Mosquito, by Pink Patheress.
Q: An advice that can be put into 1 sentence?
The only thing worth living for is love - love for everything good in this world.
Q: A fashion taboo that you learned the hard way (through personal experience)?
Never copy anyone. You can draw from someone else's experience, but never stuff yourself into the cutting created for somebody else.
Q: What is freedom for you?
For me, freedom is not forcing oneself. To overpower oneself towards a goal, but not to be pressured into it. And in order to figure that out, you have to constantly examine yourself, manifest and see if something is hiding in the darkness of your shadow.